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Hello Iowa State University

14 Aug Posted by in Uncategorized | Comments

I’m here in the beautiful state of Iowa, as a guest of Iowa State University, scheduled to speak in the morning to the dining staff. This campus ROCKS and I’m reliving all those old college memories, at least the ones I remember.

I went to the frat house and asked if there were any cool parties tonight. They thought I was somebody’s mom. And, no, they didn’t want to see me do my upside down keg beer bong. They claimed there weren’t enough guys to lift me.

I tried to visit with the sorority girls, but they told me I wasn’t cool then and I’m not cool now, and, no, they didn’t want me to show them my hair extensions. Apparently they thought it was creepy.

I heard a great band playing outside and got so caught up in the moment, I flashed them. Now I have to pay for their therapy. And the entire front row asked for their money back, claiming my chest blocked their view of the band.

So now I’m back in my room, remembering why I didn’t do so well in college.

Oh yeah, in case you happen to see it in the paper in the morning. That was NOT me streaking through the quad. And, for the record, college kids no longer find that hilarious.

Gotta go. For some reason I’m craving corn.

Your wacky motivational speaker, Kelly Swanson

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Ames, Iowa

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