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Denver Airport 9:30 pm

24 Jun Posted by in Uncategorized | Comments

Okay, so here’s what happened…First of all, I did make my flight, barely. Who else but me would realize at the last minute that she hasn’t bought her son a gift yet, and so she runs all over the airport trying to find one, causing her to almost miss her flight. Only the infamous Kelly Swanson would almost miss a flight she has been waiting on for six hours.

So I’m sleeping on the plane, and if you have ever seen me sleep and how I snore with my mouth open, then you should already be laughing. And the whole way I’m dreaming about soft vanilla ice cream, maybe soft yogurt, I’m not picky when I dream.

The plane lands and I am thinking I would give my right arm to have some vanilla ice cream, which of course I immediately have to take back, because how would I put in my hair extensions with one arm? Then again, would I even care about my hair if I only had one arm? And I thought about how sad I would be, for about a minute before I realized the boost this could be to my motivational speaking career. Yes, I am that shallow.

So anyway, I’m dreaming of ice cream, get off the plane and guess what the FIRST place is that I see staring me in the face? Frozen yogurt! I know, right! So of course I took that as a sign that I needed some, and within minutes I had a heaping bowl of soft frozen yogurt covered with strawberries, because they are healthy.

Problem.

I have to get to my next gate, drag my carry-on bag, and I have about 47,000 gates to go. No arm to eat my ice cream! Yes, I realize the irony of that. I can’t stop or I will be late. But I HAVE to eat my ice cream.

So I balance it in between my wrist and my chest. I could have stuck it in my cleavage and it would have stayed perfectly, but even I have my limits. And I am walking while jerking my body to the side and dipping my mouth into the bowl to eat my ice-cream, having to lean my head over a little to get it closer to the bowl. Then the wheel of my carry-on broke and so I’m having to drag my carry-on, causing me to limp a little. But it was working. I was able to keep my tongue out and lap up the ice cream.

I’m thinking that must be why the airport guy came and picked me up in his beeping airport golf cart that carries disabled people. I thought he was just being nice, which he was, and I jumped right on in. It didn’t occur to me until four gates later that he thought I was handicapped.

I felt horrible, and was going to explain to him that he had made a mistake. But I realized it would probably take me longer to explain that I was normal, than to just ride it out in shame. So that’s what I did.

But it was some good ice cream.

Now I need something salty.

I’m just saying.

Your twisted motivational speaker, coming to you from the Denver airport, where I’m happy to report that it doesn’t matter what airport you’re in, or what state you’re in, you’re always going to find a lady talking to her purse.

I’ll be back soon. My trip is far from over. Here to Newark, Newark to North Carolina. I arrive at 9:41 tomorrow. Long night. Hang in there with me.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Denver, CO

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