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I’m so pathetic…

10 Mar Posted by in Random Observations | 3 comments

I’m so pathetic, that the space shuttle lands and I can’t pay attention long enough to hear the rest of the sentence. But tell me that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are picking out new furniture for Suri’s room and I am hooked.

I will see a front page full spread article on the plight of starving children in third world countries, and skip right over it to zone in on the tiny caption about Brad and Angelina getting a new puppy.

I can not stay awake for 30 seconds of the History Channel but I can sit through six hours of a Lifetime movie about a woman running from an abused ex-lover, starring Valerie Bertinelli, and not even blink.

I get tripped up on the Star Spangled Banner, but I can sing every word to the theme song from Green Acres.

I will clip coupons to save money on paper towels and then buy six tabloid magazines.

I will spend two hours trying to achieve the natural look.

I will whine and complain about having to stand in line for five minutes, but I have no problem sitting in a chair without moving for two hours while I get my nails done.

I’m so pathetic because my husband’s hero is Winston Churchill, and mine is the guy in college that would get naked at parties, put a cardboard “fin” in between his butt cheeks, and be carried fin up through the crowd while the rest of us yelled, ” Shark! Shark! Shark!”

My husband lays awake at night pondering the mysteries of the universe – I lay awake at night wondering what happens to their tattoos when fat people lose weight.

I’m so pathetic that I will believe anything you tell me. Do you know that up until last year I still believed there was a place in France where the naked people danced?

Any other pathetic people out there? Confess! Confess!

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