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Die Easter Bunny! Die!

05 Apr Posted by in Random Observations | 7 comments

Die Easter Bunny! Die! Yes, those were the words that my son chanted as he foraged his way through the woods looking for Easter eggs. Okay, so perhaps I should not have let a five-year-old watch BraveHeart. But how was I to know that he would then march through the trees with his handmade spear seeking to impale this elusive Easter Bunny? I, however, knew that Peter Cottontail was not in any real danger, remembering my five-year-old’s last encounter with the llama at the zoo. It started with him begging to pet the adorable fuzzy creature, and ended at the moment he got close enough to see the llama’s lips curl back in a wicked smile exposing big white crooked teeth and hot llama breath that put my cousin Digger’s to shame. My son had an out-of-body experience that caused flashbacks for weeks. That little zoo trip did not go well, and I still have the bit marks on my rear end to prove it. Have no fear; one little unexplained snap of a twig in those woods and you would have had to peel my son off the side of the garage.

Usually we hide eggs the night before and let the kids loose first thing in the morning (momentary shudder here, remembering the year what Junior thought was a candy egg turned out to be the big toe Uncle Buster lost mowing the grass back in 1987) while they find all the eggs in the first thirty seconds and start asking us when the bunny is coming back again. They eat all their chocolate in one sitting and spend the rest of the day asking us what they should do now. So this year we shook things up a bit. And came up with the best Easter egg hunt idea – EVER!

Here’s what you do:  Don’t hide any eggs. Not one. Put the kids on the front porch Easter morning and yell “Ready, Set, GO!” Watch the kids scatter. Go back inside. Have breakfast. Read a magazine. Call a friend. Every once in a while, yell out the front door, “You’re getting close.” Works like a dream. Hunt lasts about three hours. If you want it to last longer, hide one egg just to confuse them. If you want them gone for the whole day, tell them there’s a hundred dollar bill in one of the eggs. Even a couple of adults will disappear for that one.

I have to say my Easter was great. It was a special holiday for us, as we decided that instead of hovering over our five-year-old son and watching his every move, we would take a deep breath, and just let him go – let him go and experience the freedom of being a kid. I felt a twinge in my heart as I watched my precious little pale sheltered knobby-knee’d boy take off at a run at the first sight of his cousins. I barely saw him for three days. He surfaced only for meals and pee breaks and then disappeared again into the woods where they spent all weekend building a fort and pondering the mysteries of life.  His face and arms got fried by the sun – his cousin taught him forty-seven new body noises – I think something bit him (other than his cousin) – his cute little head picked up a few funky new smells – and there is not a square inch of his body showing that hasn’t been scratched, plucked, picked, gashed, or impaled. He looks like he’s been put through a blender.

He did not get abducted. He did not find a dead body like on Law and Order (much to his dismay). And when he fell he didn’t need to come running to his mommy. We gave him freedom, and he came back in once piece. And while he slept with one arm clutching his tattered brown bear and another arm around his cousin, I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen him so happy.   So, yeah, Easter was great.

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  1. Lara04-08-10

    cute. :) I can just hear your voice saying these lines. loved it.

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