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Where’s My Charming Prince?

22 May Posted by in Motivational Speaker | 4 comments

As a motivational speaker, I get the privilege of being there for people in their times of brokenness. They share their pain with me, and we talk about how to see, believe, and do our way to a happier ever after. One of the recurring issues shared is from single women longing for a companion. Women who are lonely, and feel that their life is not complete because they have not found their charming prince. So today I thought I’d share my response to one such woman – in the hopes that it will help you find your light in the dark.

Dear Kelly,

I’m really struggling with men and losers and users and attracting all the wrong ones and repeating all the same bad patterns … any advice? I believe in the law of attraction and I have read books upon books on attracting my soulmate and I do believe he is out there .. but man I am so tired.  I don’t know how much more i can take. I’m 39 and never married and truly long for my soulmate.

Dear Broken Princess,

You wrote me about struggling as you wait for your charming prince – having to kiss a lot of “toads” – being attracted to losers. And I so get that! I was you. And it took a while for my charming prince to come along. And thank GOD he came along when I felt good about myself – because it was only then that I was ready to receive him.  So I know what it feels like to wonder if he’s ever going to come along – that man that “completes us” as Renee Zelwegger says in that movie.

I can’t take away your loneliness. And I don’t have the right words to make you feel better. And I’m not going to tell you to stop feeling what you are feeling. All I can tell you is what I wish I had known when I was sitting in your place all those years ago:

1.            Relationships seem great on the outside. But they’re not. Sometimes you are happier alone than in a relationship. All those happy couples out there aren’t as happy as you think they are.

2.            Settling sucks. Never settle for the guy just because you don’t think another will come. You’re better off alone than with the wrong guy. I PROMISE.

3.            You are beautiful. You are a treasure. You are worthy. You deserve love at its finest. And if you don’t believe me, then you have some work to do on yourself. Confidence is one of the most beautiful things women can have. There is no such thing as one beauty fits all. It really is in the eyes of the beholder. Stop thinking that if you looked different it would be better. Simply not true.

4.            Find the guy that sees the you inside – not the outside package. I used to dream for a man who would think I was fantastic – gifted, smart, talented. And I found one. Or rather he found me.  The guy that just loves you for your boobs is not going to hang around long. If you get one who buys the package he’ll always be looking for a better package.

5.            Stop looking for him, and focus on what you love to do, and he will show up along the way. I know, it’s hard not to look. I was always looking. And he dropped in my lap when I wasn’t looking. I think if we go out there and do what we love to do – writing, hiking, traveling – we will meet a guy with similar interests – and if we don’t, we won’t care. I know a single girl who got really really tired of the bar scene and hooking up with losers. So she quit going, and joined a soccer team instead because she had always loved soccer. She met a guy there and they’ve been dating ever since.

6.            You can’t meet Mr. Right until you love who you are. You are the one to complete you – not him. Too often we think it’s the prince that will complete us. Not true. We have to be complete on our own. NOBODY else can make us happy. Work on your own happiness and loving who you are.

7.            Make a deal that you are going to take a year’s vacation from this whole relationship thing. That you are going to wait until next year to worry about relationships – that you aren’t even going to go out with anybody for one year. Tell yourself that you can’t. Give yourself a year to focus on you. Don’t panic – you’re young – you can afford it. Every time you catch yourself checking a guy out, stop. Don’t go to bars if you know you will spend the time looking for guys. Do things with your friends. Tell yourself you are taking a year off from dating. Keep a journal. Start a new hobby. Create something. Start a business. Go check into a hotel at the beach – just you – and read luscious romance novels all day while sipping your favorite drink.

8.            Write down what kind of man you are looking for. Put it on paper. Send it to God and to the universe. Be specific. Think about it. To get the perfect man, you have to know what makes him perfect. And insist on getting that guy – not the one with the cute butt and no job.

9.            Think about your faith. There is a God, and He created you for a special purpose. And you need to be able to see yourself as He does. Pray for Him to guide you, give you answers, and yes send you a husband. God listens. He doesn’t always answer the way we want. But He always listens. And He’s always there.

I think the main reason I kept attracting losers, is that I didn’t care enough about myself. My self esteem was in the toilet. I took what I could get because it was better than nothing. I didn’t know how to love myself. And THAT is about self esteem. So I  would recommend that you listen to Linda Larsen’s (www.lindalarsen.com) 12 Secrets To High Self Esteem. Or find something else that will teach you to love yourself again.

I hope these words bring your courage and hope, and one step closer to your happier ever after.

Much love,

Your fairy godmother posing as a motivational speaker,
Kelly Swanson

 

 

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  1. Karen Sanders05-22-12

    This is such a struggle for some people, myself included. I thought my ex-husband hung the moon. I found out it was a reflection from the blinding light of loneliness. I’m remarried and it is a struggle every day. BUT, it is a worthy struggle. I’m encouraging your frog kisser up there: Letting your biological clock drive you is disastrous! Failed horologist here! There are many things that can are available, should you ever need them, in the reproductive world. Marrying a man that isn’t going to uplift you, adore you, and stand by you through the worst can’t be fixed without lots of money and a lawyer.

  2. Linda Larsen05-22-12

    Well, first of all, Kelly, thank you for putting SO succinctly what every woman (or man, for that matter) should be aware of. You said it beautifully. And thank you for mentioning my CD series, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. Just like you, I really struggled with this for a long time in my life and when I figured out a few VERY important things (some of which you mention in your post) – things that really turned things around for me – I knew I had to share the information. Thanks again, Kelly, for your honesty and intelligent observations.

  3. kelly05-22-12

    Thanks Linda! And feel free to add some to my list! I’m sure there are those that I forgot!

  4. kelly05-22-12

    You are so right Karen! So true that we shouldn’t follow our biological clock. I came to a point in my life where I had just accepted that I wouldn’t get married – and I got over it and got on with my life – and insisted that I would find happiness without a man involved. I found happiness. I found a dream. And the man came along too. Who knew?

    Thanks for sharing! I’m thinking about you this week in particular!

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